Is it possible for an adult baby to find a Daddy? Where do you look? And for a Daddy, while it might sometimes seem like there’s lots of awesome little boys out there – why does it sometimes seem so difficult to make the right connection?
I’ve received hundreds of e-mails from readers of this site. I’ve always tried to answer them all (although the last year has been a little rough and I’ve had less time to post and respond than usual…as regular readers can tell!)
With all those e-mails there are a few questions that come up consistently.
One of them is “how do I find a Daddy?”
So this post is a bit of a detour for me. It’s based on one person’s experience and opinion.
There are no rules. There are no ‘one size fits all’ answers.
The “Real” and the Real Daddy/AB Relationship
Daddy/AB relationships are real. But I’d put a special emphasis on the word ‘real’.
For two people to make the special connection that you find between a little one and his Daddy, the starting place is the amazing history, experiences and life context that you each have as adults.
Sure, you might initially ‘bond’ through discussions of diapers and baby time and Legos, but the foundations of trust and care that you need to create a connection comes from an acknowledgement of the entirety of your experiences.
I’ve written many times that one of the joys of caring for an AB is that he’s an “A” and a “B”.
And the same is true of Daddys: someone can be your Daddy, but he also has a job and family and a dog that needs to go for a walk!
In my opinion, one of the most important things you can do as you look for a ‘Daddy’ is to find the time for you both to understand the place of your potential relationship in your ‘larger life’.
Imagine a Daddy with a busy job or family commitments who has a little guy tell him “I want to be a full-time baby!” For some Daddy’s it can be a dream come true – but it can also be a little scary. They didn’t jump in looking for a full-time job….they simply wanted to explore and find a special connection and to see where it went from there.
It can be amazing to dream and imagine and describe a life in which you’re able to be who you are inside – a little boy or baby who needs his diapers and his Daddy.
But also take the time to simply say: “But I know everything happens in time and that we have lives and that means a lot to me too.”
Where Did All the Daddy’s Go?
So you know that once you start chatting with a Daddy that you shouldn’t JUST talk about diapers and bottles – but where do you find a Daddy to chat with in the first place?
And the truth is, finding a Daddy’s about the same as finding a boyfriend or partner: you just never know where they’re going to show up!
But for those who DO know about the community sites, it’s important to see them as communities: a group of like minded people that include ABs/DLs/littles and Daddys.
Chat with other ABs in your area. Make friends. Get to know people. If your singular focus is looking for profiles of people who are ‘Daddys’ then you’ll miss out. The AB ‘community’ is about sharing, support and finding common ground.
Sometimes, you’ll make connections the old fashioned way: a friend of a friend, a recommendation, or someone who might be an AB himself sometimes but feels special ‘daddy’ feelings when it comes to you!
Again, meeting someone is a lot like meeting a boyfriend, girlfriend or partner: you meet them through a friend, you make a connection where it’s least expected. It doesn’t usually happen by sitting at home – and even on-line, you need to connect with different people because you never know where it will lead you!
Get Outside the Playpen
Now, this might be my own history speaking, but I’m also a big believer that the connection between a little boy and a ‘daddy’ more often than not happens outside the AB community.
You meet someone through Facebook, you go to a party, you meet someone at the gym or while volunteering – and there seems to be a kind of ‘connection’ – they take on a more natural protective role and you feel more ‘little’ with them even though it’s outside of your ‘AB life’.
It can seem terrifying to blurt out to someone who doesn’t know your AB side: “Diaper me!”
And yet….I really do believe that one of the best ways to meet a Daddy is to meet someone nice, to create trust and understanding, and to find ways to bring up your ‘little’ side with them: to mention how you like Disney movies, to wear a cute cartoon t-shirt….and, eventually, to have the nerve to simply say: “Sometimes I feel like I need, um, a special kind of protection.”
It might sound terrifying and unrealistic, but I’ve heard about it happening more times than I can count. And its happened to me!
So don’t close yourself off to meeting people ‘outside’ the AB community: post on a dating site and put in your profile ‘perpetually a little boy’ and see what happens!
Starting the Conversation
I’d like to hear from the Daddy’s out there. I’d love to hear about what attracts you to a little guy when you first start chatting.
One of the things I find is that little guys jump into a ‘role’ and that sometimes it feels like they want to keep it there. They enjoy the ‘fantasy’ on-line but it sometimes feels like that’s where they want to keep it.
There’s nothing wrong with that. For many people, they only want an on-line Daddy. And the same is true of Daddys! As long as you’re clear that it’s a sort of ‘on-line RP’ then no one will be disappointed.
But regardless of whether you start talking on-line or ‘for real’ I think it’s important for you both to create a sense of trust and understanding by sharing your dreams and desires, but also sharing other stuff: the special ‘safe space’ between a Daddy and his little guy happens bit-by-bit.
Trust, Understanding and Boundaries
Which brings me to the most important thing about ‘finding a Daddy’ – and about being a Daddy who’s looking for a little guy in his life, whether on-line, for a weekend, or for life.
For a little guy to give you his trust and that special vulnerable space he gets to when expressing his ‘little side’ you need to absolutely understand and respect his boundaries and needs.
I feel sad to hear stories of little guys talk about Daddy’s who don’t respect their boundaries. For example, they might have boundaries about how they dress in public (or even what they’re dressed in while at home in private!) They might have boundaries about discipline (spankings or no spankings), they might have strong feelings about messy diapers or might prefer the bathroom be locked!
And many little guys will have very strict boundaries about ‘adult stuff’….it might be “that will never happen” or “it would only happen if I trusted you” ….and yet the Daddy focuses on that first!
As a Daddy you need to express to your little guy that you’re there to create a safe space for them to express who they are. And if you do that first then you’ve taken an important first step in creating the very real connection between a Daddy and his baby boy.
But I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences.
There are so many people who want to know: how do you meet a Daddy? What advice would you give?