If you’re a new Daddy (or Mommy!) to the world of taking care of an adult baby or little boy, it can sometimes feel like you’re learning a new language. Or, at the very least, you’re learning an old language all over again!
Terms that seem like a contradiction will soon make perfect sense. An ‘adult baby’ is amazing because he is both – an adult who can talk to you about his day, a book he read, or what happened at school – and a little boy who has the gift of being able to express the tender sides of himself and who needs his Daddy to check his diapers and read him a story before bed.
In chat the other night, a relative newcomer to the community asked: “What’s a Big Bro?” and I realized that it was another term that might cause confusion because it has a meaning that is often very specific to certain communities.
In most cases, a ‘big brother’ (or sister) refers to someone who plays a caretaker role but who might need care also.
So, an adult baby might meet another “little”. They both feel young inside, they might both feel like toddlers, and they might both feel safe and secure in their diapers and snuggling their teddy bears.
But together, one of them might gravitate to being an “older brother” and he’ll play more of a caretaker role for his other little friend.
The Joy of Family
For many little guys, meeting a Daddy fills an important role in their life. They may have had a wonderful childhood, they may love their biological parents and have nothing but praise for them – and yet it’s often only through a “Daddy” that they can create a parental bond with someone who validates the feelings they have of being ‘little’.
Whether you’re a Daddy on-line, over a weekend, or full-time with a live-in baby boy and nursery to match, you’re providing a little guy with a safe space to be the toddler or baby that is a deep expression of who they truly are. This expression often doesn’t have a home at – well, at home.
And nor should it: most families provide an environment to ‘grow up in’. How well they provide that environment will vary. Yet the purpose of your biological family is to prepare you for a life ahead.
For an adult baby or little boy, the life they have ahead can include lots of things, but some of it will include exploring a side that usually feels like its been there forever: inside, they feel like an innocent toddler, a mischievous little boy, or simply someone who needs time to accept care and unconditional love.
Your role as a Daddy, for however long or brief the time, provides a safe space in which they can feel safe, secure, and accepted for being little.
One of the wonderful things about the adult baby/’littles’ community is the range of relationships that happen on-line and off.
These relationships are often expressed in family terms. Someone is a brother or sister, a big brother, a little brother, an Uncle or a Daddy.
They are often a short-hand for very specific kinds of relationships.
But what a Daddy can appreciate is that a little guy will often have a network of ‘relationships’. These relationships represent an important community of support – people your little guy can chat with, listen to, or go to for advice or guidance.
As a Daddy, you should encourage and learn to appreciate this larger ‘family’ that a little guy will often bring to his relationship with you. They may be people he wants to have play dates with (in person, chatting on-line, or playing video games with maybe) but who he certainly should stay in touch with.
While you give your little guy validation and love, it’s important for him (like any little guy!) to also have friends he can play with, who he respects, and who he can turn to for acceptance and understanding.
As a Daddy, you are part of a ‘chosen family’. Your little guy has accepted people into his life and has created relationships that hopefully validate who he is, that provide support, and that generate a sense of acceptance and mutual care and trust.
As a Daddy, you are entering a special circle of trust and care, and it’s important to acknowledge and respect your place in that chosen circle.
Who’s Your Family?
But who is your ‘chosen family’? What do you call members of that family? Do you have a big brother or sister, an Uncle or a special friend?
And what advice would you give to new Daddy’s to help them understand their role in your life? Would you want them to know your friends and ‘brothers’? What expectations would you have?
this is another wonderful blog post daddy. it reminds me that i’ve met several wonderful daddies (that i call da da) and big bros (that i call bro bro or a babyish version of their name) online and they really feel like family. they understand that when i’m feeling really little, even if they are chronologically younger than me they are definitely BIG and i’m widdle.
I could not agree more that our “family” is important. Having hosted 20 Diaperfest events in 10 years, I had the pleasure of meeting “family” from all over the world. I have several Daddies, Mommies, Brothers, Sisters…all big or little but all share diapers as a common bond. I miss seeing many of them since I stopped doing the parties but do get to keep in touch via email, phone or travel with some of them. For New Years, I am having some diaper friends from NY and Germany in to visit and hosting a small diaper party. It will be so much fun seeing these “family” members again and introducing my new Diaper Daddy to them as well.
Awww, this article made my heart all fluttery! Beautiful as always!
Even though I’ve been in the lifestyle for six or seven years, I’m still a bit of a beginner when it comes to a family.
It’s only just recently that I started looking around for a daddy, and even though I’ve gotten quite a couple offers from both big brothers and daddies, they seem to always be clear across the country. It’s odd how living so close to a big city like Cleveland doesn’t bring much results, but I’m still looking and try to keep an optimistic view on things. I know it takes time to build a family, but I have to admit I can seem a bit antsy at times.
With that said, my fingers are crossed for the future and maybe (and really really hopefully too) the near future as well!
This opened my eyes Daddy in many ways. I have so many contacts that are in the AB community and I of course considered them AB friends but maybe in a way like the old DPF it really is more of a Fraternity or in some cases sorority??? Anyways – it stretches and fills a void that I did not really see as being filled until maybe perhaps the last 4-5 years with better chat sites and in general better AB sites available. Wonderful article again as always. 🙂
Nice post i totally like it 🙂
Your sweet and tender reflection reminds me that I must never try to POSSESS anyone whom I think of as “my baby”..
Sometimes in the past, when I’ve discovered that a baby I cared for had other friends and carers in the AB world, I’ve panicked. The fear kicks in that I am going to lose my Baby, that someone else is going to “steal” him from me.
But we all need a network of friendships, and no one person can meet and satisfy all our needs..
Authentic love always includes a willingness to “let go”, and to give freedom to the one we love.. I dare to hope that, if I give my babies this freedom, I will never be without friendship and love..
Great Article Once Again ~ Beyond our biological families we all have also a chosen family filled with good friends, and other special people we see on a regular basis and look up to.
I have a very special friend named Diane. She started out as just a co worker when i first when to a job interview. She was the first person I met when i asked her a question as to where the lady was that was doing the interviews. I ended up getting the job where I have now worked for more than 4 years and Diane and i worked together every Wednesday. we bonded quickly and to this day I have to say she is my best friend. She is much older than me in her 70’s so indeed she is a motherly figure or in my case a grandmother, As I no longer have grandmothers I call her Nana. As her real grandchildren do. She considers me part of the family as i do her. She no longer works with me but we continue to talk on a regular basis and go to dinner often. She is so very special to me and i hld her very close to my heart. I also have my roomate Henry ~ Hes not really a daddy to me but he definately knows and supports my AB/Little side. We often go to the movies, shows, Disneyland, etc together. We take care of each other when we are sick and make sure that all is well with each other.
I guess my point of this ramble is family is anyone that you let get close to you and that you share things with. Family is not only biological but chosen as well and grows with everyone that you make a personal bond with.
i have a wife who was once “mommy”. We have a son now and so there is alot less of that. I have a “daddy” of sorts but he has many other “boys”. I dont really have much family because I really never let anyone in. I want someone to want in..I like the idea of that, but I supposed I push them away anyway. With my neglect, abandonment, blah blah blah issues I’ve always just relied on myself and counted just myself as my family.
weird, but true.
wonderful post(: it made me think more from a dada’s perspective..(:
hey daddy could you do me favor and do a post on TBs please 🙂
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I have two cousins that are a lot younger than me but way bigger in size. Once a year we visit them and when we leave I get a big box of there outgrown clothes. They are 8 and 12 and a lot of my best outfits are from when they were even younger like 6 and 8. Most of my shortalls and tshirts are from them, and LOTS and LOTS and LOTS of plastic pants and trainer pants (Daddy puts these away for now cause cloth diapers are best for me), and cute jammies and footed sleepers. Its always fun to visit and see my surprise box of clothes.
That’s really neat Davy! Nice to have nice clothes that are perfect for you. 🙂
It is neat, Todd. The 12 year old Derek is also a bedwetter like me so he and I share diapers and plastic pants when I’m there. His are disposables youth size from STAR Diapers. Really cool blue and white with BMX guys on them. His mom, my aunt, gets them in the internet and I’m going to ask Daddy for some like those. She likes the plastic pants from Babypants also online so he has lots of neat prints and colors. I think I’m getting some of the circus animal ones that are too tight on him.When I visit I get to sleep in Dereks old toddler bed cause he and Billly are now in bunk beds. Its like a crib but with an extra piece and mattress to make it longer. So comfy and cozy.
How do I find someone to change my diapers? I’d rather have someone else do it for me.
I’m so excited cause my aunt and cousins made a surprise end of summer trip to us last weekend before school starts. They drove there big van and brought the toddler bed I used when I stayed there this year. Its the best surprise ever!! It has a brown wood headbored with red and blue and yellow abc beads that can spin around and wood side rails that go halfway to the end of the bed. The mattress is two pieces. One is a baby crib mattress and the other is kind of like half a baby crib mattress to make the bed longer. Its called a crib-n-bed. It was Dereks crib then his toddler bed with the extra piece attached. It fits me PERFECTLY and I love it and I know I wont ever outgrow it. The mattress is real comfy and all wetproof – the label says Kantwet crib and toddler bed mattress 20 year warranty. Daddy knew about it but wanted me to be surprised and was I ever!!! They also brought a whole box of footy sleepers that derek outgrew. Theres rocket ships, and dinos and footballs and penguins. They all zip from the neck down to one ankle so diaper changes are easier. I will be SO SO happy to go to bed from now on!!
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This was very well written. Like BammBamm, I two have been around for a while since the DPF era, and have a huge AB family. And yes every single thing that was mentioned here is pretty much what all our new family members are always looking for.