He’s not an adult who has a ‘baby side’ or who plays a role. He’s an adult whose purest sense of inner self and outer expression is as a toddler, little boy or AB.
When I see or chat with an adult baby, I know that I can talk about all the things that an adult might be interested in, but I never find myself thinking: “he’s an adult”. An adult baby has discovered that he is most at home in his own feelings and needs when he can express all of the amazing ways in which he’s a little one.
But admitting these feelings opens up a sense of vulnerability: because to most of the world, he’s an adult, while inside he needs the care, love, attention and trust that can only come from someone who understands who he is.
Maybe he can forget it for a while as he goes about his daily life. He can talk and act like an adult, be accepted for that, and feel a part of the world around him.
But most ABs I know need, at the very least, a safe place to return to, a time to express themselves, and feel the most relaxed when they’re dressed in a way that is more natural to them (a sleeper say, or shortalls), are properly diapered, and have their teddy bear snuggly in their arms.
When your little one comes home (or visits you for the weekend) he may still be carrying the feelings of the wider world. There’s NO on/off switch for an AB. He doesn’t flip from being an adult to being a baby – instead, he finds himself in situations where his inner self is able to more fully and honestly be expressed.
As a daddy to an AB, you can help create a circle of trust and care to allow him to feel at home and safe in his feelings.
This is done through words and attention, but the joy of caring for an AB is that you can also do so with physical, tangible things.
First, of course, is to keep your little guy diapered. He needs his diapers, of course, so that there are no accidents – but he also needs them to understand how much you honor and cherish who he is.
A Space for Baby
Another tangible thing that will help your little one to feel safe and secure is the care you put into making sure that you have a proper physical space. Ideally, it’s a nursery, but sometimes it might be nothing more than a corner of the living room, a closet with his baby clothes and supplies, or even just a shelf by the bed where you keep his plushys and changing supplies.
Having a distinct physical space communicates that there is a permanence to the fact that he’s in daddy’s care….even if that care is only for an evening or weekend if you’re at a distance from your baby boy.
If you live at a distance, think about sending him a photo now and then of his “special place”. Maybe you buy him a new pacifier and add it to his permanent baby shelf – send him a photo and he’ll be excited about both the pacifier and he’ll be reminded that being daddy’s little boy always has a special space.
Scents in the Nursery
With luck, of course, your little tyke lives with his daddy. Having a room to set aside as a nursery set is ideal.
And one of the advantages of this is that each time he enters it, he’ll feel at home, he’ll get a warm little rush in his tummy, and he’ll inhale those special scents that are an emblem that he’s his daddy’s baby boy.
Imagine your little boy gets home, you give him a hug, and even though he’s excited to be home where he can be himself, it’s not until you take him to his nursery for a diaper change that the safe feeling truly returns. He smells those wonderful scents of the nursery even before he’s put on his change table and they remind him that he’s a baby boy:
Powders: The scent of baby powder is, for many ABs, something that can easily trigger those special feelings. The scent during a change can leave him cooing and gurgling, and it lingers in the air, giving the nursery a fresh babyish feel.
Lotions and Oils: The same with baby lotions and oils. I think of them as ‘layering’ that freshly diapered scent. The scent of baby lotion can linger on the skin long after that of powder, as well, and every time you snuggle your little boy you’ll be reminded as well of the special boy in your life.
Diapers: Not all diapers have a pronounced scent, but even if you don’t use them it’s useful to have brands with a distinct diaper scent on his shelves. Some adult brands like Bambinos come with the option of being scented, which I recommend, especially for time around the house.
Plastic Pants: There’s a distinct scent to nylon or plastic pants. One of the best, for example, are Tiger Underwear’s plastic step-ins. They have a distinct scent that’s perfect for an AB and are excellent over a nice thick diaper.
The Diaper Pail: Some people might not think that the diaper pail is important and while it needs to be emptied reasonably often, it also is a reminder to your little guy that he needs his diapers for a reason. There’s a distinct scent to his wet diapers which are the sign that you really do have a baby boy around the house who needs to be in diapers.
There are other scents as well. Some of them specific to your little guy – that special cuddly scent of a fuzzy stuffed animal, or the smell of the plastic lining in his playpen.
All of these scents and sensations are simply signs that you care for your little guy and that his being an AB is as much apart of your life as the air you breathe.
But what scents and smells do you associate with an adult baby? And what’s your favorite?