In the ideal world, you meet someone special and he becomes your daddy. Over time, your sense of trust deepens and you find that the baby or little boy inside doesn’t have to hide. Daddy takes care of you, changes you, dresses you and spends time with you.
Your sense of self feels complete – you never feel as if you need to ask to have ‘little time’ because it’s just who you are, and your dad understands this and feels grateful that you let him care for you, diaper you, read you bed time stories, and simply be there for you.
There are times when there is no thought in the world other than being a baby or little boy. There are other times where you’ll sit with daddy and talk about your school or work, or watch a movie together and you feel that you are loved and respected for all of who you are – that there is an “a” in being an AB, but none of these sides of your personality are separate.
When you find a pacifier in the pocket of your jacket as you walk to work, or discover a spare diaper in your backpack, you know that daddy loves you for being out in the world but that he hasn’t forgotten that you’re his little guy.
Shifts and Changes
I don’t think that the above is a dream. I’ve been lucky enough to have spent time with little guys and it was a continual process of discovery and joy.
Some times might be more ‘babyish’ than others; some weeks he might be wearing a diaper under ‘normal’ clothes; and some weekends might be completely about letting the little boy that he is have room to play and experience.
But no matter how perfect a relationship can be between a daddy and his ‘son’ there are times when circumstances leave a little guy feeling like his dad isn’t, well, being ‘daddy enough’.
I’ve had people contact me and ask how they can get more attention from their dad. Or they ask whether it’s fair to ask for more babying time.
It’s very natural for a relationship to swing and shift and for the balances to change over time based on what’s happening in your life, stresses from a job or family situation, or any number of reasons.
Hopefully, you have a good level of communication and trust with your daddy. But I know what it can be like for a little boy – it can be really hard to ask a daddy for something, because maybe he should know, or maybe you feel shy or overly needy and don’t want to upset him.
More often than not, it will be the dad who finds a special way to bring his little guy back to that special place – a new teddy bear, a trip to the toy store, or a surprise night of babying.
But what if a little guy is feeling a little neglected? Is there anything he can do to signal to his dad that he needs some baby or little boy time?
Tips for Telling Daddy to Be Daddy
So I’m going to share a few little tips from a dad’s perspective.
Aside from the first tip, which is to talk it through, these are things that I’ve found are sure-fire ways to get MY attention anyways, and that almost always trigger my daddy-type instincts.
The Perfect Shrug
Have you found that you’ve been talking with your daddy about what movie to rent or what restaurant to go to? Try the shrug instead.
Next time there’s a decision to be made, let daddy make it – and not by saying “you decide” but with the simple gesture of the shrug. Daddy will see this not as a giving up of control over decisions, but as part of your nature – and will see that the little boy in you just needs someone to help decide.
The Importance of Teddy
There is something incredibly powerful to a daddy when he sees his little guy holding his favorite plushy close to his chest. It’s not a complicated thing to make sure your teddy is with you, whether when watching a show on TV or drifting off to sleep.
Remember that your teddy needs you, and if you act on this knowledge, daddy will remember that you need him too.
Lose the Napkin!
It can be a very adult gesture if you’re eating out somewhere (or even at home) to wipe your mouth with a napkin. But lose the napkin! Drop it on the floor, throw it out the window – whatever you have to do to stop yourself from wiping the spaghetti sauce from your mouth.
Daddy won’t be able to stop himself for wiping your mouth for you, and that little touch will remind him that he’s needed.
Now, this is a tough one – because not ALL ABs or little boys will wear diapers all the time. If you DO wear diapers all the time, don’t ever make the mistake of asking daddy for a change. It’s not that he’ll mind, but by NOT asking he’ll soon discover that every little guy needs his diapers checked by a conscientious dad.
And if you don’t wear diapers – then shouldn’t you? A dad will quickly understand if a little boy wets his pants that it’s diapering time and that no matter how ‘adult’ someone might be acting, he’s still a little boy who needs to be in diapers.
Most of all, the snuggle is the number one way to a daddy’s heart. Rest your head on his chest, slip into his arms, and let him hold you. Relax your body so that he senses how your body needs his care and protection.
And sure enough, daddy will remember that his little boy means more to him than just someone really special in his life – that he has someone who needs the special care and attention that he is blessed enough to be allowed to give.
15 Replies to “Reminding Dad Who’s Daddy: Tips for the Adult Baby”
What superb advice from such a good Daddy!
Maybe I just haven’t had good mommies and daddies in the past few years, but these tips are more likely to get you negative attention than the positive kind in my experience. Some people like that kind, but not me personally.
I’ve often found that caretakers to AB’s give attention rather begrudgingly. They find it cute at first, but then the reality of taking care of someone the way most littles like to be taken care of hits them.
It’s not easy being a mommy or daddy, and it’s even harder to find someone (such as yourself) that really likes it. It’s a lot of work taking care of an AB, even midly, depending on how deep they go. Many people do it just so they can get something in return at a later time.
Very few people realize just how much being taken care of means to us. To most individuals, snuggles and touches and other things we do in an attempt to show appreciation go unnoticed or misunderstood. And even if you are able to put in words exactly how good it feels to be snuggled, diapered fed and loved on in general, the depth of feeling you can have for this sort of thing even scares people.
Again, maybe I’ve just had bad experiences, but I can’t endorse the above tactics because I’ve tried many of them and they’ve backfired severely.
Just my .02 cents.
After reading through this article I can relate to it. My lil fella gets as much attention as you describe. One thing that I also give is unqualified love for my little guy. I do things for him without any expectation in return. The joy of being able to make his life that bit better is a suitable reward.
I think one outta be careful being turning these recommendations into something manipulative. You mention communication important, and yeah, sometimes you don’t want to say something because it’s WAY nicer to have Daddy just remember to do something. But if he’s not doing something in particular that you want him to do, maybe there’s a reason for that. Perhaps passive suggestions like these could lead to your own personal disappointment when no change in his behavior occurs, or maybe he takes offense to your unwillingness to just approach him outside of 24/7 roleplay to express your “wants.”
I find the principles of non-verbal communication fascinating.
These elements are part of a much larger language that exists between the little and his guardian.
The vast field of expression is not limited to these simple interactions but has vocabulary that is created throughout the relationship. As you grow together you will become better at reading the bond through this language.
But clear communication is always the key to make sure you are both talking the same language. I think problems occur when our actions may signify something we didn’t expect.
Sometimes this can be as simple as exaggerating emotional responses slightly so as to clearly communicate when an interaction is positive. I think that within the strong bonds of such a relationship you’re presented with one of the few opportunities to allow your emotions to show without fear or shame.
That is perfect, is all i need…Thanks ! ^ ^
All this applies to a mommy/mummy and baby relationship too. Great article – I may try these ideas 🙂
Thanks everyone for your comments. I have to say, I didn’t anticipate the range of responses and I feel like I’ve hit a nerve a little bit.
I would like to clarify a few things: the above tips are really a disguised way of expressing things that work with ME – things that a little guy does that immediately snaps me into ‘daddy mode’.
But they assume that the relationship between a dad and son are based on trust, understanding, communication and shared interests.
The suggestions are meant for those times when, in the whirl of life, of dinners with friends or exams or crazy times at work that sometimes we need reminders to return to things that are important – including daddy/boy time.
If, however, a daddy has moved beyond or has lost interest in being a caretaker, I don’t think that any ‘tricks’ will help. That’s where communication and transparency comes in, including what can be very adult conversations.
Secret made a very good point – if these types of things are used in a manipulative way, then the trust and caring in a relationship is being ignored and you jeopardize the special space you may have with a daddy.
I offer these ideas more as little nudges for a daddy and his son to use to remind themselves of the important bond they have and the richness in the ways that that bond can be communicated in an open, heartfelt and sincere way.
the ppl who have babied me have been the nicest ppl in my life, but like D. Angel said, they get tired of how “needy” i am and i have to figure it out before they dump me. ususlly i figure it out after they dump me. its a total downer. im trying to be more considerate about how busy adults r with the rest of their life and to just accept getting what they r willing to give me whenever they want to baby me. they figure out pretty quick that u “need” to be a baby, and all the things Daddy said work sometimes, but only if they have time and feel like taking care of u. so now im trying not to get poutty when they dont pick up on my needs or tell me they dont want me any more by their actions or their words.
D. Angel is also right about some that will baby u because they know it will get u willing to do anything they want from u. even thats ok if u both know u just “playing baby” and r ok with all the rules. when they get tired of it it hurts pretty much but im trying to understand thats the way it is with ppl.
the problem i have is i cant communicate like an adult about wanting to be babied, so its never really clear like u said it needs to be. im too shy to tell anybody for reals all this stuff. if the hints dont work, i just try to back off and wait till they feel like babying me again, if they ever do. so im like really happy to read about all the stuff Daddy wrote, so i can try it to see if somebody will notice. i think there r not enough ppl like Daddy and Simon to take care of all the babies. it sure is nice to come here and read such nice things so i keep hope.
i am 13 and when i get out of high school i want a dady
or now but just part time lol i want him to be like a really buff guy taller like 6’7 and to be loving and forever and nice
I have a bf who is in no way interested in the whole ab/dl thing. However, often he exhibits these childish behaviors. These actions profess to me the sense of love and trust he has for me. Moreover, many dominant figures often will express a callus demeanor to their loved ones when over burdened. Many little ones may view this as a sign of displeasure their “dad” has for their actions. However, this could not be further from the truth. Remember that you are always cherished and your loved one cares for you despite their cynical remarks and looks of dismay. As the author often states you are a gift and are looked upon with envy as the epitome of beauty and perfection.
Wow these are really good tips! Great post! :]
That was pretty cool. I never quite thought of it from that perspective. I just assumed it magically happened.
My Daddy does his best but i offen feel neglected too, trying to explain how deep my regression goes seems to fall on deaf ears, i just want to feel like his little baby, not just him doing it almost roboticly😭
he will give me a bottle but he says “here” or get to bed ( in my crib)
He will put a diaper on but not take it off, theres no baby talk or even looking at me while he does it either😢