Adult babies have a lot of questions for dads. I didn’t realize that there were so many things a little guy might want to know about, and I’ve learned an incredible amount from the questions themselves.
I know that not everyone clicks on the little ‘ask daddy’ link, so I thought I’d share a few of my responses here. And thank you so much for your generous and thoughtful questions, they really make me feel special and proud of all of you! (I know that may sound a little cheesy but it’s true.)
OK, so a few of your questions, answered:
Q: Dear Daddy, In reference to your article on boys and wet diapers, I think we like to be in wet ones because it reminds us we are boys in need of your help.
How often to you check boy’s diapers? Is there an unkown signal boys give off or do you just know?
Little guys definitely give off lots of signals – a slight extra waddle to their step, relaxation in the lower back, the way their head tilts. It’s as if their wet diaper is the place from which feelings arise that let their muscles relax into a more babyish, playful tone. And then their little shuffles and movements as they maybe squirm a little in their seat is often a signal of their body shifting in awareness of their wet pampers.
But regardless of those signals, when you’re with a little guy for a while and he uses his diapers regularly, there are often rhythms that a daddy learns to spot. As he uses his diapers and gets used to them, the wettings tend to become more frequent, rather than one “big flood”. I think you learn to know a little guy’s rhythms as time goes on.
But finally, I like to do diaper checks fairly regularly. Even if I know he’s probably dry, it’s like a little kiss to say I love him in my books, and since I love him soooo much I can’t help fairly frequent diaper checks – a little tuck of my fingers along the waist or leg openings as he plays just to reaffirm that I’ll be there for him when he wets and should feel safe to use his diaper as a little boy does.
Q: Daddy, do you feel there are in appropriate movies or TV that a boy under your care should not watch? I know you like Horror movies :)! How about surfing the internet? Would there be parental controls on baby’s computer that you controlled?
Great question. Now, I’ll preface this by saying that I’m a big believer in the idea that no matter what, there’s still an “A” in Adult Baby. BUT, I also don’t believe that the “A” lives entirely without the “B” or vice versa.
What I mean by this is that even in the most adult situations, a son always has a toddler within – maybe just below the surface or in some small signal.
So having said that, there are times in a daddy/son relationship where all of the normal interests apply – a horror movie, an action adventure, or some foreign thing with subtitles.
Being an AB shouldn’t be too isolating from the rest of the world, and these are important things in life – just enjoying what you enjoy with a daddy by your side and a diaper beneath your jeans. 🙂
But then there’s the safety of the daddy/baby relationship. For some people, this might be a small part of life, or it might be a much larger thing. Finding the right space for a little one seems like it’s so important – for some ABs, they would really prefer a more full-time caring role from their daddy. For others, diapers might be full time but baby time might be structured and specific. Or it can be along a spectrum.
For baby time, absolutely movies should be PG only and Internet time would be very limited. This is within the specific structures of daddy/toddler or baby time. And for a little one who really feels he wants to be in his baby space and needs more structure and guidance from a daddy, then those rules would probably apply more generally with some exceptions.
Q: Daddy, there is a great debate going on about keeping regular toddlers on toddler leashes. What is your opinion about diaper boys like me. Do you think it is healthy to keep a boy leashed for his safety or should you allow a child to free range?
I didn’t know there were “great debates” – I need to follow forums or something. I picture all these awesome toddlers in some kind of giant playpen sitting in opposite corners debating the merits of ABU vs. Bambinos. 😛
Harnesses and leashes are another one of those “depends on the boy” things I think. I have a hard time picturing it as something permanent or a “constant”. But I can picture times when maybe a little boy might need one for safety’s sake.
It’s not something I’ve ever used but that’s maybe more a product of the boy than the daddy.
I have a sneaky suspicion that regardless of the leash part, some little guys like the feeling of the harness because it gives a feeling like everything is snug and contained.
The one thing I don’t like are things that intimate “controlling” versus structure. For me, I don’t want a boy to feel like I’m in a position of domineering or control, I’d prefer them to feel like they had structure, care, and support. So long as those feelings weren’t negatively influenced, I can see the pros and the cons.
Q: Without sounding like a rules maven, what would be the rules you would have in place for a boy under your supervision? Would he have a bedtime or have to wear the clothes you picked out for him or have his hair in a certain style or length?
Thanks for such a wonderful question!
You know, it’s so interesting, because the terms you use aren’t exactly the ones I’d probably choose.
They’re not wrong at all, but they represent a way of thinking about being a daddy where structure, discipline maybe, and rules maybe are used to help a little guy sense the caring love of being under his dad’s supervision.
This approach is really great for some people: rules help to set boundaries and help the boy to feel that the space inside those rules is where he can and should feel free to act as the baby or toddler that he is inside.
There was an interesting comment in one of my posts about a spectrum from this more structured feeling to the ‘softer side’ the person called it. I suppose I’m guilty of being soft and probably too emotional when it comes to all of this.
For example, I’d use the words “under my care”. For me, a baby boy is someone I’m caring for rather than supervising, because I feel like the beginning gift is given by him, and it’s my role to cherish that gift and care for it (and therefore him).
By that way of thinking, a little guy needs care in the ways you describe – he needs his dad to choose his clothes, brush his hair (or take him to get it cut), and keep a check on his diaper.
But I also think there are other decisions such as bed times, time in the playpen, or bath time that it’s also really great for daddy to take care of choosing.
And I don’t think it’s because he needs rules so much as a little guy often has soooo many feelings going on inside – emotional, tender, open, helpless even. Making certain decisions can be confusing with all those feelings going on inside, and so a dad can help his little guy by creating some structure and making some of the decisions like that.
Now, having said all that – I can hardly ever resist puppy dog eyes, especially on a guy in a sleeper and a thick diaper, so don’t blame me if I let him stay up late to watch the end of Nemo….it was his fault. 🙂