Writing this blog has been such a wonderful experience for me. I started it because for years now I’ve explored different sides of who I am and have come to realize a few things: one, caring for someone else gave me some of the greatest joy I’ve experienced; and two, although I sometimes resist it, I’ve always been more of a ‘dad’.
Since inviting your questions and comments, I’ve also discovered that there are a lot more little boys out there who feel the opposite: who they are is who they are, and that they’re looking for, at the least, is a caretaker, time with a ‘dad’, or maybe, just maybe, to be ‘adopted’.
Now, this may sound like one of those “duh, daddy sure can be silly” things, but I honestly didn’t think there would be guys who responded so positively to the way I think about being a dad. My connections with AB/DLs was mostly through online chat and forums, and it felt a lot more like role-playing most of the time, or people were looking for more adult discussions. I’m not that great with online communities, and I chalked it up to being out of place.
It never occurred to me that I might get questions about my ideal AB, what sort of rules I’d have, that sort of thing.
For all of you who have asked such great questions – thank you! You really do give make me feel as if you care how I think. I know I don’t always have the best answers but that’s usually because I haven’t thought about it too much before.
Adopting an Adult Baby
I’ve spent several years realizing I have a certain place in the world. Partly because of my work, the way I think, and my personality, people often look to me as ‘an authority’, a guide, or someone to lean on.
Combining this with the fact that I’ve found a very specific and fulfilling intimacy in taking care of AB/DLs, I’ve also realized that if I were ever to start a serious relationship again I’d like it to be with someone who knows from the start that they have a little one inside who needs love, care and attention.
But if you asked me to draw a picture of what a ‘dad/son’ relationship with an AB would look like, I’m not sure I can tell you. I couldn’t predict in previous relationships either. I know that I have a few starting ‘rules’:
– I’d like to meet someone who wants to explore the little boy within.
– Life comes first, and connecting with someone whether it’s a friend, a lover or a ‘son’ means finding the different ways in which personality, need, longing, interests and world view ‘click’.
– “Adult stuff” isn’t important to me. It might BECOME important but what’s more important is safety and trust in letting a little guy be who he is inside.
– It’s important for both people to realize that things change, evolve, and include new ways to explore and be. Communication is important. No, it’s critical actually.
Being Adopted by a Daddy
But enough about me. I’ve had questions about “what would it be like”. And you know that every situation is different and depends on the people involved. So I don’t want to trap myself here into making it seem like this is a list of “must haves” because it isn’t.
But let me share a few little thoughts:
– Your dad understands that you might have school or work that you love and feel rewarded by. Dad can take care of you and support the two of you, but that’s more of a safety net than a condition. You may have periods where you’re not in school or working, and daddy is happy to have a little one around the home. But you probably don’t want a situation where you’re paying the bills for daddy!
– You’re able to wear your diapers in most situations and feel safe and comfortable. You’ll understand that there are times when training pants might be more in order, and that little breaks might be needed sometimes, but generally you’re happily able to wear your diapers because they give you security, comfort and a special bond with your daddy.
– Things like a crib, high chair, play pen and change table are important safe places for you. As the rhythm and flow of life goes on, you may not need to use them each and every day (well, maybe the change table!) but often these are important things to you because they help you to feel those warm, creative and protected feelings that were part of the reason you connected so meaningfully with your daddy in the first place.
– Your life is not isolated. You have friends and know your daddy’s friends. There is no hiding or shame in your interactions with the world and you’re able to find ways to always be yourself, even if it’s in little ways like a t-shirt with Elmo on it or a paci in your pocket. Ideally, daddy dresses you ‘for the occasion’ rather than for the person – besides, your dad has no time for judgmental people anyways.
– A day can include lots of normal stuff: checking e-mail on the computer so you can keep in touch with friends. Reading LOTR (for the 20th time). But you still adore that daddy gives you a diaper check. And that he always remembers that little boys need play time, stories, cartoons and a nap in their crib.
– When you ask “Are you tired of taking care of me” you know that daddy will always look a little sad that you asked, say “No”, and then lean down to give you a snuggle and a kiss on the cheek.