I’ve started this blog to share how I think and feel about playing the dad role to an adult baby boy. The reality is, I’ve only had a few experiences with this – one was over an extended period of time with someone who started as a boyfriend first but who eventually came to like being babied and cared for. I’ve had other experiences, short-term, with diapering and elements of babying, and I’ve had some chats and discussions on-line, which always felt more like ‘role playing’ than the real thing.
(I differentiate between role playing and the ‘real thing’ because one feels like acting, and the other feels genuine, open and real. But I suppose the lines can get blurry, which might be the topic of another post.)
Recently, a connection on-line has become extremely real to me and to “Timmy”.
The issue of the ‘reality’ of online connections is really interesting as well, and is also the topic of another post – there are issues of trust, knowing if someone is telling the truth, and the decided level of distance that happens when it isn’t physical. However, many of the feelings are real and are very similar to what I experienced during a physical dad/son experience.
I’d like to share some of those feelings and some of what has happened between Timmy and I. You can either trust that these things “really happened” or not – what I’m more interested in is the emotions that these things generate, and how I react and feel about them. I can assure you that these things are real, however.
Recently, Timmy wet his diaper at night for the first time without prompting. He doesn’t usually wear diapers to bed, but this time he had. He described having a dream in which I babied him. When he woke up, the dream kind of lingered with him, a very powerful feeling. He also noticed that his diaper was damp. This was the first time he had ever wet himself while sleeping (well, since he was ‘truly’ young anyways). He described this as giving him a sudden feeling of shock, as if the breath had been knocked out of him, followed by excitement, a bit of fear, and happiness.
When he told me this I had an overwhelming sense of happiness and pride. Somehow, Timmy wetting naturally while he slept felt like a wonderful gift to me, a blessing. Where that feeling comes from I don’t know, and I find it hard to put into words, but it was a magical combination of pride and connection that struck a chord in me.
First, Timmy’s desire to wear diapers to bed when this wasn’t his usual habit made me feel very connected with Timmy. Circumstances didn’t always allow him to wear them as often as he might have wanted, but desire had started to overcome a lot of barriers. His wearing diapers had increased since I had met him, and now he had woken up with a wet diaper without recalling doing so during the night.
The feeling of connection and pride created a further sense of a bond between Timmy and I which I’m still trying to assimilate. But it was an incredible moment.